I cried as I left the house.
I cried as I drove to work.
I got myself straightened up to be able to exit my car to walk into my office. As soon as I ran into a co-worker outside, he asked if I was excited to be back? I answered with a strained no with tears in my eyes.
I walked into my office with my excited co-workers to see me, with tears in my eyes.
I don't know the exact reason I cried, but I'm sure it was a combination of leaving my son for more then an errand, an end to my maternity leave days off or the immediate guilt I felt for having to return to work. Now I know why they call it a mothers guilty feeling for having to return to work after having a child. My cousin who had a baby in September said it never goes away.
Jeff knew exactly what I was feeling since he had experienced the same feelings when he had to return to work after being home with Drew and I for two weeks after the baby was born. I text him on way to work and he said that I have to treat the situation like you would rip a band-aid off your skin, you just have to do it. Its difficult, but it has to be done.
I know my son is in great hands and in the most lovable environment, but it was very hard. But, I'm very grateful that my boss understands what I am going through and has given me the opportunity to work part-time for a little while.
At the end of the day, it was a wonderful site to see Drew and Grammie sitting on the back porch waiting for me to get home. As soon as I parked the van, I jumped out and ran towards Drew as he looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes and gave him a big hug and kiss.