Mothers Guilt

I went back to work yesterday. It was very difficult to walk out of the house and get into my van to drive away from my house where my little boy was left behind with his Grammie.

I cried as I left the house.

I cried as I drove to work.

I got myself straightened up to be able to exit my car to walk into my office. As soon as I ran into a co-worker outside, he asked if I was excited to be back? I answered with a strained no with tears in my eyes.

I walked into my office with my excited co-workers to see me, with tears in my eyes.

I don't know the exact reason I cried, but I'm sure it was a combination of leaving my son for more then an errand, an end to my maternity leave days off or the immediate guilt I felt for having to return to work. Now I know why they call it a mothers guilty feeling for having to return to work after having a child. My cousin who had a baby in September said it never goes away.

Jeff knew exactly what I was feeling since he had experienced the same feelings when he had to return to work after being home with Drew and I for two weeks after the baby was born. I text him on way to work and he said that I have to treat the situation like you would rip a band-aid off your skin, you just have to do it. Its difficult, but it has to be done.

I know my son is in great hands and in the most lovable environment, but it was very hard. But, I'm very grateful that my boss understands what I am going through and has given me the opportunity to work part-time for a little while.

At the end of the day, it was a wonderful site to see Drew and Grammie sitting on the back porch waiting for me to get home. As soon as I parked the van, I jumped out and ran towards Drew as he looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes and gave him a big hug and kiss.