Monday, September 21, 2009

Mama's Guilt

I've heard people mention they had a case of the mama guilt before having a child. I wasn't too sure what they meant, but now-a-days, I know all too well.

I can't believe how instantly that feeling kicked in after Drew was born and continues to grow every day. Its such a strong feeling too. Its amazing how it just pops up during certain situations when you wouldn't think it would.

I'm usually exhausted from getting up at night when the little guy wakes up. Jeff does volunteer to get up at night with him so I can catch up on some rest, but when he does get up, I lie in bed (awake) since I feel so guilty that I'm not up with Drew rather then Jeff. I know it sounds silly, but is this normal?

Also, I've felt it when I just want a few minutes to myself during the day (on the weekends or at night during the week) to just read my email, download pictures or take a shower by myself, I instantly feel like I should be with Drew. I should be with him, rather then taking a mental break from little kid world.

I don't necessarily feel it while I'm at work anymore since I've convinced myself that I have to be there to support Drew's needs. If I don't work, there is now way we could afford Drew's necessary essentials. But, I do feel guilty leaving Drew when I work extra hours. Its horrible since I feel that I am adding an extra burden onto those who are watching him since I'm not around.

I don't think this feeling will ever go away, but I do hope it eases a little so I can keep my sanity.

1 comment:

Cherish said...

I think it changes as they age. I feel a completely different kind of guilt when it comes to the bigger kids. That being said, it is easier when they are older and the time they need of you is less. Hang in there