I'm Warn Down

I'm tired.

I'm sick.

I'm sluggish.

I need to rest! But with a household and a 5 month old, when can mommy rest for herself? Um, when ever I can, but that is between all of my daily duties.

I just want to kick this cold/virus and get back to the normal running around. I don't like being like this when so much depends on me being 100%. I need the energy back, I need the fuzziness of cold medicine to leave, I need my full alertness to return. Maybe someday soon, things will be back to normal!

A different path?

Sometimes, don't you wonder if you chose a different path in life, where would you be? Please don't get me wrong, I love my life and where I am right now, but doesn't it make you curious sometimes?

What if you were a rebellious kid rather then a rule follower?

If you chose and different sport in High School, would you have gone to a different college on a scholarship?

Or, if you chose a different room mate in college, would you have a different group of life long friends?

Or, if you married your high school sweetheart rather then the person you met after college?

These questions and so many more pop into all of our heads at some point, but don't you just day dream at times....what if?

And now a fever!

The poor little guy can't catch a break this week. In the early morning hours yesterday, it was apparent Drew was not feeling well. He would moan and groan in his sleep and he was warmer then usual when you touched him.

Once he woke up to eat, he couldn't get comfortable. At one point Jeff and I were going for a ride with Drew at 1am to help ease him back into sleep. He didn't fall asleep, but he stopped crying and finally took a bottle after we arrived home. Before he feel asleep, the thermometer read 99.3, just a slight elevation.

He really didn't sleep much the rest of the night (and neither did mommy) and by 5:15am, he had a 101.6 temperature. Once his doctors office opened I gave them a call to consult with the nurse. With everything that was happening this week, they said to come on in.

Of course, buy the time the appointment rolled around the Tylenol kicked in and Drew's temperature went down and he was his ol' flirty, happy self. So, after seeing the doctor we don't like (because she doesn't listen, its horrible.....I brought my mom to witness the phenomenon) since she was the only one who had an opening in the morning, we were told it was just a virus. Phew! I left feeling frustrated (because of the doc's listening skills) and relieved at the same time.

So, we rested today at home since his day care states he cannot go in for a full 24 hours after his fever clears. I didn't mind. It was a wonderful day spent at home today because Drew was better. He's not 100%, but his fever didn't return today, he had more cheerful stretches of time and looks much better.

Oh, and obviously our plans changed for this weekend. We were able to work out another visit for Columbus Day weekend to see Zack in Maryland. I am just grateful we decided to stay home, since it would have been very unpleasant for all of us with Drew feeling under the weather while we traveled.

Timeline Thursday

Mommy likes to make me smile 9/18/2009

Just relaxing 9/19/2009

Hanging out while outside 9/20/2009

Nice and cozy 9/21/2009

Hey, gimmie that phone 9/22/2009

Are you looking at me? 9/23/2009

Those walks tucker me out 9/24/2009

And the doc said......

The little guy had his follow-up appointment yesterday from his night at the ER from the day before.

Can I just insert a shout out to Drew's doc? I just love his her because she listens. She doesn't assume we have new parent syndrome and she understands our concern.

So, Dr P listened to Drew's story from Monday night. I had to explain to her the three possible diagnosis since the ER did not fax the paperwork over on time for his appointment. Right away she said, the situation was way to traumatic for gas (right on sister!) and I told her that I know when my son is gassy. She didn't say anything about him possibly coming down with a cold, but personally I don't think he would act like that if he was getting a sniffle.

Then I mentioned the intestine suggestion from the ER doctor. She shook her head in agreement and told me that was exactly what she was thinking because of the way Drew had reacted to his pain. Dr P said there isn't much that can be done at the moment since the episode is over, but she did explain that his intestine could overlap and cause extreme pain. If that was indeed what happened the other night, it had fixed itself for the time being since if it had continued he would have woken up from his exhaustion nap crying/screaming/stiff like he did before he fell asleep.

She reassured us that we did everything right and if he should have another episode to do everything the same and get him to a doctor. Then at that time an ultrasound will be done of the area. But until then, she told us the things we have to look for, but there is no real indication an episode like we experienced the other night is approaching. The kink just occurs.

So, now I'm scared of travel to Maryland this weekend. I don't want Drew stuck in a car seat for hours at a time and possibly have another episode where we have no idea where a hospital is while we drive. At the moment, Zack's mom is seeing if things can be moved around. I hope so or we'll have to seek alternative plans somehow.

What a Scare

Mr Drew gave a scare to his parents last night. It was panic, but under control if you can believe that one. At the end, we felt a little foolish for what we did, but we wanted to be cautious since it never happened before.

So, here is what happened last night.........

I picked Drew up from day care, just like any other time. He was sleepy since he had just finished a bottle, but nothing out of the ordinary.

We got home, he played on the floor while I got things ready for supper. He also had his medicine for his acid reflux.

We waited for Jeff and Grandpy to come home outside.

When Jeff got home, he cooked on the grill and we all played outside and visited with our neighbor.

Supper was ready, we went inside to eat. Drew was put in his high chair with some toys and we sat down at the table to eat.

After a few bites into our burgers, Drew got fussy and didn't want to be in his high chair. Jeff picked him up and that is when our panic began. Drew started screaming like he was in pain after Jeff sat him on his lap at the table. It seemed like Drew was being hurt in some way that we could not figure it out. It was a scream you never want to hear from your child.

His whole body tensed up, his legs were straight out, his arms where brought to his chest and he just cried at the top of his lungs. He has instant tears and could not relax. Jeff tried to walk with him around the house while I fixed a bottle (I didn't think he was hungry since he just ate about an hour & half earlier, but I wanted to give it a try). He didn't want that. I tried to give him some teething gel since he was playing with teething toys and thought maybe he bit down wrong, and that didn't work.

Jeff then stripped him out of his clothes to see if he was bit by anything, nothing. He then brought him into the bathroom to put cold water on him (with a washcloth), that didn't work. At this time, we noticed his entire body was turning red while he screamed and was still tense. I told him to take off his diaper, we checked the area and nothing. I told him to go sit in the rocker under the fan and I was calling the on-call nurse. This was about a 1/2 hour of this insane crying from Drew.

About 15 minutes into the conversation with the nurse (since she had to get all the background information) my FIL said that Drew's feet were now turning purple while he was crying. The nurse said go to the Emergency Room. So, off we went. While we drove in the neighborhood streets to get to the highway, Drew still screamed and was stiff. As soon as we hit the highway with the cool air flowing through the car, he fell asleep from exhaustion (still tense might I add, holding onto my finger with everything he had).

As we approached the ER, we were debating on not going in. I made the decision that we came here, we don't know what's wrong and I didn't want it to happen again in an hour and have to do it all over again. So, we walked into the ER with a sleeping baby.

When Drew was called in for the first evaluation, he woke up his old cheerful self. Of course, making his parents look like fools, but flirting away with the nurses! Oh, geez! His personality stayed that way for the 3 hour stint at the ER. The doctors kept asking over and over what had happened and we told them we feel foolish, but wanted him to be check out since he has never acted like that before.

Drew hanging out at the ER

It was determined that they have no idea why he acted like that. The doc's said it could have been gas (um, we've seen that reaction before but who knows), could be getting sick (his dad was sick with a cold last week) or an intestine issue where it kinks, then fixes itself and the pain lasts about 15-30 minutes. But, not tests were done to rule out anything, just a listen, a poke and a look into his ears. Then we were released.

Drew has a follow-up today with his regular doctor, but I have no idea what was wrong. We just had a feeling that something was wrong last night and things just didn't feel right with the way he sounded.

Mama's Guilt

I've heard people mention they had a case of the mama guilt before having a child. I wasn't too sure what they meant, but now-a-days, I know all too well.

I can't believe how instantly that feeling kicked in after Drew was born and continues to grow every day. Its such a strong feeling too. Its amazing how it just pops up during certain situations when you wouldn't think it would.

I'm usually exhausted from getting up at night when the little guy wakes up. Jeff does volunteer to get up at night with him so I can catch up on some rest, but when he does get up, I lie in bed (awake) since I feel so guilty that I'm not up with Drew rather then Jeff. I know it sounds silly, but is this normal?

Also, I've felt it when I just want a few minutes to myself during the day (on the weekends or at night during the week) to just read my email, download pictures or take a shower by myself, I instantly feel like I should be with Drew. I should be with him, rather then taking a mental break from little kid world.

I don't necessarily feel it while I'm at work anymore since I've convinced myself that I have to be there to support Drew's needs. If I don't work, there is now way we could afford Drew's necessary essentials. But, I do feel guilty leaving Drew when I work extra hours. Its horrible since I feel that I am adding an extra burden onto those who are watching him since I'm not around.

I don't think this feeling will ever go away, but I do hope it eases a little so I can keep my sanity.

Almost Time

Its almost time again to go visit Zack. Yeah! Next week this time, we will be visiting with Zack and my family in Maryland. I can't wait to see him and my Grandpa.

We plan to see family (and they can see Zack & Drew) and go apple picking. Since our fall visit has been changed to Maryland (it used to be that Zack would come to MA for this visit) Zack misses out on our area's big fall fair and our apple picking tradition. There is nothing we can do about the fair, but we can still go apple picking (we'll still go here at home too, since I can't make apple crisps in the hotel room). Also, Grandpa gets to join us for the festivities too. I'm sure Drew will have a fun time too since he's in that curious mode these days!!

Timeline Thursday

My new toys 9/11/2009

I'm going to get u! 9/12/2009

peek-a-boo 9/13/2009

That was too funny 9/14/2009

You can't hide from me 9/15/2009

That feels so good on my gums 9/16/2009

Day Care make me exhausted 9/17/2009

5 Months Old

Today, Drew is 5 months old. We have come along way, baby! In these short 5 months I can't believe how much of a little person he has become since that wonderful day in April.

That little guy has learned to laugh out loud, shrill with excitement, discovered his hands and toes, still trying to roll over more, stands & sits up with assistance and plays with toys.

We are trying cereal with a spoon, but he doesn't quite know what to do yet. But, I'm sure he'll catch on very soon.

There is one thing I do wish he'd do different and that is sleep through the night!! He does occasional, maybe a handful of times since he was born, but I'd love it if he'd do it more. But now with teething upon us, he cries out in his sleep but I don't know if he is or now, so I still get up to check on him. Or, at times he's awake crying and needs soothing. Oh, they poor little guy!

Drew has brought so much joy and happiness to my life and everyone around him. I can't imagine my life without him. I can't wait to experience what the future holds for my growing little boy.

Scary World

With the recent tragedy on the Yale Campus, it makes you evaluate your surroundings, your life and what is precious to you.

I work on a college campus in a little town in Western Massachusetts. We are surrounded by a 5-College network where students from the surrounding schools come to our campus for classes, events and what ever else they can become involved with. You never really know who the visitors or even some of the students intentions are while being on campus. But, you take every day as any other day, normal and safe, and leave at the end of the day to go see your loved ones.

But, when tragedy's happen on college campuses, it makes me reevaluate my job security. I work in Public Safety on campus, but that doesn't protect me anymore then a student, maintenance person or professor on campus. We are all vulnerable to a persons wrath, no matter where you are....college campus, working in an office building in a large city, or sorting mail in a suburban post office. Its just a scary world now-a-days no matter where you are located.

Working in the college police department, I see all the new technologies since the Virginia Tech tragedy with the new mass notification of safety issues on campus. Also, we already have a secure swipe card system in effect on campus that replaced keying into buildings so people can be tracked down in the event of an emergency, but things can still go horribly wrong and that is what is scary, no matter what measure are in effect.

I just have to keep in mind that tragedy's don't happen every day on campus and my safety is top priority, no matter who I am.

I do hope the murderer of that poor young lady at Yale is found and prosecuted to the fullest since she, and anyone who is innocent is caught up in random or planned acts of violence, did not deserve what happened to her.

Consignment Shopping

I don't mind using second hand things for Drew, as long as they are safe and clean. I shop on Craigslist for all kinds of items and occasionally shop at a local baby/child consignment store.

Lately on Craigslist I purchased a TON of boys clothes ranging in the ages from newborn to 4T for very cheap from the same seller. I gave the smaller clothes to my SIL, but I still made out like a bandit with clothes, jackets and even a snow suit for Drew.

The latest purchase came over the weekend at Once Upon a Child (the local consignment store). Drew has been lovin his "jumparoo" devise at school, so our mission was to find one for at home. My in-law's have been searching their house for my nieces old jumparoo, but can't find the seat. So, while I was at the store this weekend, I took a chance to look for a jumparoo and there was one there, telling me to take it home. Now, in the past I've left the store without purchasing something that I was 50/50 on and when I would return the next day to purchase it, the item was gone. So, as I stood there pondering purchasing this toy (thinking to myself, what if Sarah finds the seat?), I decided to just get it or the opportunity would pass me by!

The jumparoo was purchased and Drew is getting used to this one, but is having a good time in it. The best part is, I didn't pay full price at a department store or even full price at the consignment store since I brought clothes to Once Upon a Child so they could purchase them from me, which in turn knocked the price down to $13 for the new toy! I know its not brand new, but it makes Drew happy and that is all that matters!

Enjoy Your Day

Its a rainy, fall like day here in Western Massachusetts today. Its one of those days where you just want to roll over in bed, stay nice and cozy and sleep until you can't anymore. Then get up, grab a good book, cup of tea and a blanket to sit on the couch.

Well, I know that's a fantasy for me today since I'm at work, but its a nice day dream don't ya think? But what ever you get to do or have to do today, enjoy it!

Timeline Thursday - Black & White

*I discoverd my phone takes black & white photo's, who knew?*

Hey, whatcha lookin' at? 9/4/2009

Playing Hard 9/5/2009

Trying to figure out this spoon thing 9/6/2009

Jumpin, Jumpin, Jumpin 9/7/2009

My first Harley Shirt "Live Fast, Nap Hard" 9/8/2009

Relaxing before a hard day at school 9/9/2009

What is Grammie doing ?!?! 9/10/2009

Waiting for Middle School to Start

On my way to work, I sesnt a text to Zack and wished him good luck on his first day of school (not to mention his first day of middle school). I didn't expect a response since I was hoping his phone would stay home while he was at school (at least for today, that's what happened).

Mid-morning I received a text picture from Jeff. It was a picture of Zack waiting for the bus, on his first day of school. Awh!

While I was sitting at my desk, towards the end of my work day, my phone started buzzing. It was a text from Zack. He said he had a great day at school and was wondering how Drew was doing. I briefly told him all the things Drew did this weekend and wished Zack the best for a wonderful school year. He said thanks and that was the end of it. Gatta love those 6th graders and their way with words! I just know that the little text message that was waiting for him when he got home meant so much to him, and that is all that matters to me!

Big Boy Weekend

Drew accomplished some big boy things this weekend. He had his 4 month (even though next week he'll be 5 months old) check up this past Friday and we were told we could start to try cereal with a spoon with him. He's been having cereal in his bottle for a few months know to help with his spit up/acid reflux, so we got the OK to try it without the formula. When he hits 6 months, we get to try fruit with the cereal. Yummy!

So, Saturday morning we made his small bowl of oatmeal cereal and give this new thing a try. Um, Drew didn't know what to do when this weird stuff went into his mouth. I'm sure it was the combination of the new texture and the taste, but it was too funny to see his reaction. As usual, I was laughing hard with tears in my eyes. What can I say, my little boy makes me laugh (wait until he knows I'm reacting like that, huh)! He had the same reaction over the last couple of days each time we tied, but we will keep on it.

On Thursday night, we had installed his big boy car seat. We knew he was either right at or just over his infant car seat weight limit, so we had installed it sooner rather then later. As it turns out, he is a pound under the infant car seat limit. Drew now weights 21lbs. The seat limit is 22lbs. And let me tell you, when you carry him and the seat, you can tell right away that he was close to the limit. It makes it hard when I have to carry him and the seat, so I felt it was time to move into the big seat. He has to get used to things, but he looks like such a big boy sitting in it.

Long Weekend Plans

Its a long weekend around here with Labor Day on Monday. I can't wait to have three days off with my family. We have somethings planned and then I'm sure there will be last minute adventures that come upon us too.

We will accomplish some shopping, visiting with friends who had a baby a month before Drew arrived, some over time worked (that's me at the easy museum on campus) and then a cook-out on Monday. I'm sure other things will take place, but it looks like to be a wonderful weekend weather wise, which always welcomes a good time.

I hope everyone has a great weekend too and take advantage of the time off!!

Timeline Thursday

I don't wanna mommy 8/28/2009

Laying next to my little cousin Jayden 8/29/2009

What a big boy 8/30/2009

Only if it were this easy 8/31/2009

Hanging out with my cousin Ally 9/1/2009

Ready for school 9/2/2009

Almost rollin over on my belly 9/3/2009

Goodbye Summer

I know its not the official last day of summer, but around here it feels like fall. Its been cool and crisp in the mornings and warm and refreshing in the afternoons. It definitely feels like early fall around our neck of the woods.

I love summer for all of its glory! I enjoy the warm sunshine, long days and the ability to drive my car with the windows down.

I love the fall for all of its splendors! I enjoy the smells of nature, cozy clothes and all the traditions like apple picking and pumpkin carving that take place during this season.

Even though one favorite season is coming to an end, another is beginning. So, I'm ready with the start of the cooler weather to enjoy fall and all the festivities.

Who is this?

Last week, I received a random phone call with a familiar but unusual area code. I tentatively answered the call and I hear a little voice on the other end. It was Zack calling me to tell me he had finally got a cell phone (those were his exact words of course).

Its been in the "works" for some time now with his mother and now is all set. He was so excited calling me with all the details of his phone. He told me he could make videos, send pictures, text and how he can make his own phone calls. Zack was on cloud nine. After we spoke for a little while, he then showed me his texting skills and photo abilities. The photo posted here, was his self portrait.

Well, yesterday I received a text from my step-son. It was an innocent "hi". I wrote back and asked how he was doing. He responded good and the conversation continued from there. Jeff had just gotten home from work and wondered who I was talking too. I told him, his son (I then pointed to Drew and said, not that son while he was playing on the floor). Jeff said in a disappointed voice, I didn't get a text!

As the conversation with Zack continued, I figured out the real reason he contacted me. It wasn't to know how me or Jeff are doing, it was to see how Drew was doing. How cute! He asked for a photo and was checking on his little brother. What a cutie!

So, I join Jeff with my head held in disappointment, that we don't matter to Zack anymore.....its all about Drew! But, that's a good thing!!